Thank God It's Friday The 13th: Prophets of Doom!!!

Friday the 13th isn't just a special day for Jason. It's also a day when prophets of doom bemoan his coming. Contrary to popular belief, you can't just slap a goalie mask on someone and film him stalking through the woods and call it a day. A much neglected staple of the Friday The 13th magic is the prophet of doom character archetype, invariably a staring bug-eyed crazypants loon who warns our hapless camp counsellors to stay away from Camp Blood. I'm going to be making the case that these are integral to the series' success, because they appear in two of the best films (1 and 2), and the most hilarious (8). This contains spoilers for the all the Friday The 13th movies, such as the fact that Camp Crystal Lake is jinxed.

Crazy Ralph!!!

"You're doomed! You're all doomed! It's got a death curse!" - Ralph, ad nauseum.

Oddly enough, he talks the most sense out of anyone in the whole series.

Crazy Ralph is the best character ever in movies. He is a "Messenger of God" who spends his days when he's not locked up as the town drunk trying to warn teenagers not to go to Camp Blood, which they always do. He shows up randomly in a closet or something in the camp, where he may or may not have been waiting for hours to be discovered just so he could dramatically proclaim everyone doomed (again). When everyone reacts the way you'd expect them to, he gets on his bike and cycles off, turning to stare at them as he goes. Ralph was one of only two characters to survive the original movie, only to get snuffed in Part 2.

Crazy Ralph is the best character ever. He makes me happy when I watch the movies, which is often, for I am a child. What I like best about Crazy Ralph is the resigned way everyone in the town deals with him. It's easy to imagine daily life in Crystal Lake as a sitcom where Crazy Ralph is always getting in some mischief with his crazy ways. Ralph gave that little something special to the series, and it never quite recovered from the loss of him.

Eyeball Guy!!!

"I found this today!" - Eyeball Guy

Eyeball sold separately.

Transparently brought in for Part 3 to replace the late C. Ralph, Eyeball Guy steps up the madness by first sleeping in the road, and when woken enquiring if he's in Heaven. He's probably also a Messenger of God, Whom he believes has revealed His purpose to him in the form of an eyeball he "found" - although he also lets slip there were other body parts, so I guess he probably just dug it out of one of Jason's earlier victims, or perhaps a corpse he dug up. Sadly, unlike Ralph, Eyeball Guy never got to reprise his role, which means he's probably still hanging around Crystal Lake waving dismembered body parts in people's faces to warn them from going to the lake. To be fair to him, this would totally convince me to get out of Dodge, so who knows? Maybe he's saved thousands of lives offscreen.

This guy!!!

"This voyage is doomed!" - This guy.
"Yeah, tell me about it" - some kid, in re: the above.

As he is gainfully employed, this character is a prime example of doing it wrong.

Jason Takes Manhattan half-assedly revived the grand tradition of the harbingers of doom after an absence of four movies. This time our Discount Cassandra is a deckhand on the good ship Lazarus, which carries Jason all the way to New York (Toronto).

Despite seemingly knowing Jason is onboard and killing everyone, this guy doesn't really tell anyone or do anything to stop it. He does, however, barge into the cabin after the captain gets whacked, tells the douche professor that it's Jason, and when called on his craziness, declares "you're the one who's insane", and runs off. He delivers it precisely as a "NO U", which makes me spit out my drink. This guy is so half-assed I think they threw him in at the last minute just to pad the film a little.

Which is your favourite prophet of doom???? Why would anyone stay at a place called Camp Blood anyway??????? Friday the 13th!!!!!!!!