Movie Who Cares Presents: The IntruderÜø¿×É»Ö{ê─×¢¥┐└┴♠◙♂•◘♣♦♥♫3☼

The Intruder is a movie about everybody dying in a supermarket. Despite this, it is slightly more good than depressing.

I may be a grave robber, but at least I don't work here.

The movie starts out documenting the shenanigans of the aforementioned store's employees. It's night, and the last few shoppers are going home. We get some nice POVs from their trolleys, which might make you wonder: why? and huh? 

You'll never live like common people. You'll never do whatever common people do.

Then an old man tries to buy some shit, but everything falls out the bottom of his paper bag, which is a metaphor for life.

Aw, darnit! First World War 1 and now this.

Sadly, the plot then kicks in, as our heroine is menaced by a mullet, and her ex boyfriend, who is wearing it:

Ladies, take heart: if you were born after 1972, you didn't date this guy.

The mullet gets in a big fight with everyone, and runs off into the store, instigating a sequence in which the staff try to hunt him down, Alien-style, which is reasonable when dealing with the pathologically bemulletted. This would be enough plot for the rest of the movie, but we're not so lucky.

Die Hard with a Mullet.

This isn't a very good movie, but it has a very unique and interesting visual style, which involves putting the camera inside things where a camera doesn't normally go. For example, here is a POV shot from inside a rotary phone:

Whose POV is it? Do the phones have gremlins? Sadly, this line of inquiry is never developed, like most of the characters.

Why is this shot framed like this? Are we looking at a mirror? Why? I picture the director jabbing his crazy fingers at the cast and yelling "dammit they're too up-and-down! Make them more sideways!", not because that's necessarily what happened, but because I'd like to think it is.

Say, do you think someone's going to get that through their face?

So anyway, long story short, someone starts butchering the cast. Is it the mullet? The store owner? Ted Raimi? Godzilla? Barbie? Does it matter? As befits these type of movies, the killer's motivation, when revealed, makes absolutely fuck-all sense, but the actor gives one of the gurningest, most gleefully batshit insane performances ever seen outside my special ed class.

The main thing about this movie is the way the supermarket location is used. People go up and down the meat conveyor, the killer chases the final girl over the tops of the checkout counters, and they all play bumper cars in the trolleys (well, not really, but they might as well have). The slasher plot is kind of extraneous to the enjoyment of the movie, which centres on the fun of watching people get to wreak havoc in a supermarket. Just like in Dawn of the Dead and the greatest movie of all time: Career Opportunities. It was while writing this review that I decided all I really want in life is to trash a supermarket.

Get out while you can, Final Girl!!!