Saturday 13 June 2020

The World Is Not Enough

Spoilers:

1999's The World Is Not Enough was pretty much the average among the average of Bond flicks, treading water well enough but without any standout sequences or moments. The Garbage theme song is nice but the cold open drags on way too long, there's another boring snow-based action scene and the villains suffer from being somewhat three-dimensional, which is always a fat minus in this type of movie.

I tried to redpill you on the manlet question but you didn't listen.

Renard, whom I shall call Bernard, suffers from an unusual affliction: he has a bullet in his head that means he can't feel pain. While this might seem like it would make him very threatening, it would most likely mean he would just die of some infected wound he failed to notice, but let's pretend. Bernard spends the movie angsting about the pain of feeling no pain, making him the series' first emo villain, so it is fortunate that we have a surprise second villain: Elektra, the woman he's ostensibly been stalking.

You need to screen for deformities in MI6 as everyone deformed in James Bond movies is a villain. We don't hash tag need a black James Bond; we hash tag need a hunchback James Bond.

The idea of a sort of Bonnie & Clyde villain couple seems to have potential (the closest we've had is Mr Wint & Mr Kidd from Diamonds Are Forever), but this angle is under-explored in favour of unwanted psychology: we're supposed to sympathise with Bernard as it's evident Elektra is just using him while cucking him with Bond. Boring! There's a simple, correct recipe for a Bond villain, and it's:




Plus-wise, Goldeneye's Zukovsky puts in a second appearance for some levity and the technological overreach of Die Another Day is foreshadowed with Bond's X-ray vision glasses.

A fun gag would have been to have Bond wander around perving on chicks for four or five straight minutes of screentime, but that might have been too avant-garde for the studio at that time.

World also manages to foreshadow K's comedy of errors from the Cr**g flicks, as for all her trash talk she manages to get herself captured by Elektra's goons. Wahmen: 0, gamers: 1.

Before and after assaulting the wait staff @ TGI Fridays

Finally we would be remiss not to bring up Doctor Christmas Jones, a perfect example of doing it right whose improbable name is nothing but an hour-length setup for a joke from which it was clearly reverse-engineered.

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Beckies h8 this character because how very dare they cast a hot Stacy with big fake tits as a nuclear scientist? I say they didn't go far enough. In the Berenstein reboot, everyone is a hot chick including Bond, M, Q, faceless goons #1 through #700, the director, the gaffer, and the audience. Stacies rise up!

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