Starwars 7 will be stupid and lame.

So the new trailer confirms everything I knew would happen about Starwars 7: The Goatse Widens. Jar Jar Abrams has apparently directed the film in the same visual style as his last act of necrophilia, the Startrek reboot. This looks awkward and shitty, and not like the Starwars of the 1970s and 80s, when the series was good.

If you watch the movies from the 80s you'll notice they are elegantly shot and edited, making use of space, mood lighting and shit like that. The new trailers show that the new film looks ugly and fakey-fake and has too many medium closeups and closeups. The storm troopers are standing around in like a well lit space, which isn't very threatening, and basically everything sucks.

We know from interviews that Abrams is aware of how much everyone hated his shitty lens flares in Startrek, so including them in this new Starwars movie can only be interpreted as a gesture of spite toward his audience, most of whom will still pay to see the movie anyway because they like the abuse.

The old people from the original movies still just look like old people. There's generally a good reason characters don't age that much in like comics and shit like that. It's because characters in fun escapist movies getting old is sad and depressing. But this trailer doesn't have a fun escapist tone to it, so I don't know. Maybe it's an art house movie about Alzheimer's.

Everything in the trailer looks like a copy of a copy. There are no new, interesting ideas and you can tell because the only thing anyone's been talking about is that there's a woman and a black guy in the movie, even though there have literally always been women and black people in Starwars movies. This small detail hasn't stopped the filmmarketeers (for this is what they are) from smelling their own farts all over the interview circuit.

Nobody will like this movie. Everyone will feel hollow and dead on the inside after seeing it, despite all pretence to the contrary. That's because they are dead; listless consumer zombies shambling pointlessly between one gaudy beacon of hype to the next in the horrific wasteland of our lives....