Showing posts with label autism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label autism. Show all posts

Wednesday, 31 October 2018

Alice Cooper's STEVEN: who is he and what is the meaning of life?

Many music performers have alter egos they inhabit at various times on record or onstage. Eminem routinely slips into his Slim Shady persona to wreak havoc on celebrities and society in general, while Nicki Minaj pretends to be more than 40% human parts. But none of these alter egos are as mysterious as Alice Cooper's Steven. This article includes spoilers for the concept albums Welcome to my Nightmare, Alice Cooper Goes to Hell, DaDa, The Last Temptation, Along Came a Spider and Welcome 2 My Nightmare. It will also be a lengthy, unfunny dissertation on an obscure aspect of rock music history which I consider it my autistic duty to elucidate.


I wish I had this subtly creepy wallpaper.

Welcome to my breakdown


Steven first appears in 1975's Welcome to my Nightmare. The nightmare is presented as being Steven's. We are introduced to Steven in the song "Years Ago", in which he sings "All my toys are broken/And so am I inside, mom". Many people take this as an indication that Steven is a young boy, but in the song he doesn't seem to be so sure. Different voices alternately sing "I'm a little boy/No, I'm a great big man/No, let's be a little boy, for a little while longer? Maybe an hour?"

At its end the song segues into "Steven" with the phrase "I think I hear my mom calling..." and "Steven" then kicks in, with the name being repeated in a refrain that becomes more insistent. Steven says "it's right outside my door". He seems to be very afraid of whoever - or whatever - is outside his door.

The next song is "The Awakening". In this song Alice sings of waking up and looking for his wife, only to find that he has stabbed her to death in his sleep. The final song on the album is "Escape", which features the lines "But where am I running to? There's no place left to go/Just put on my makeup/And get me to the show".

What does it all mean?


Welcome to my Nightmare is a concept album. I believe it tells one continuous story - the origin story of Alice Cooper himself. Steven is the fictionalised Vincent Furnier - Alice's birth name. Steven is a grown man who is married. He also drinks to excess, and it makes him violent, or at least he fears it will. The song "Only Women Bleed" reflects this fear. It is preceded on the album by "Some Folks", which goes "I'm just no good without it/I'm not a man at all". While it is not specified what this refers to, I think it's alcohol.

The nightmare starts off in general terms. "Devil's Food" and "The Black Widow" are about generic scary things, like giant spiders and being eaten. But gradually the songs shift to more specific fears. Jack Torrance in The Shining had similar demons - he drank, and he once hurt his son. Like Jack, Steven is haunted by these fears.

Why does Steven drink? He drinks because of something that happened in his past. As mentioned above, there is some confusion about whether he is a boy or a man, but he must be a grown man to be married. I believe that in his nightmare he regresses into a little boy as a way to try to hide from the horrific realities of his life. After pleading to be a little boy for a while longer, he is frightened by someone outside his room, which leads to his awakening - his efforts to avoid reality are in vain.

"I think I hear my mom calling" - but he doesn't hear his mom calling. The cries of "Steven" in the song of the same name are from a woman, but not his mother - his wife. She is crying out to him as he is stabbing her in his sleep.

When he wakes up, Steven realises that he has done what he feared the most - he has killed his wife. Now his only recourse is to do what he has tried to do in the dream - to escape into another persona. "Just put on my makeup and get me to the show". He escapes into madness; into the persona of Alice Cooper.

Alice Cooper Goes to Hell


Steven didn't appear by name on the next album, and it seemed to be about Alice, the entertainer, being sent to a comedy disco Hell for all the controversy that he caused with his antics during the early 70s. However, if you subscribe to the above interpretation of Nightmare, Alice and Steven are really the same person. This is, however, complicated by the inner sleeve of the LP, which featured this text:

Lay still, Steven, and I'll tell you a bedtime story. I'll tell you a bedtime story that's not for all children. It's a very special story, that only special children will understand. It's a half-awake story, and it will be better if you close your eyes. It's a story that takes place in a dream, like other nightmares you have known. It's a dream that Alice has dreamed. You can dream along with him. You can follow Alice down the staircase, deep, down the stairs to the pit where he doesn't want to go, but he has to.

If you go to sleep now, Steven, you can go down the long and endless staircase and sing sweet songs to Alice and free him. And if you can't get to sleep, Steven, and in the middle of the night you get out of bed, when everything is quiet and the trees are still and the birds are hiding from the dark, you can lay down on your bedroom floor and press your ear tightly to the boards. If you listen very carefully you can hear Alice searching for a way out, forever chasing rainbows.

Sleep tight, Steven. And have a good night.

You can read this in all sorts of ways. One way to look at it is that Steven really is a child, and Alice is a character in a story his mom or dad told him. Another is to think of this as a prequel to Nightmare - that Alice was a character in a story, and in "Escape" on Nightmare, Steven drew on this childhood memory to create a character to escape into.

But there's another possible meaning that fits into what we learn on the next Steven album, 1991's Hey Stoopid. That maybe this is something a doctor is telling the now institutionalised Steven. In this analogy, the doctor is trying to get Steven to give up his Alice persona. The pit where Alice doesn't want to go, but has to, isn't really Hell, it's the unconscious mind. The doctor may be trying to get Steven to get rid of Alice, to lock him away under the floorboards of his own psyche. He is treating Steven as a child because Steven has now fully regressed into one.

A Wind Up Toy


Hey Stoopid only mentions Steven at the very end, on track "Wind Up Toy". The song implies its subject is in a mental institution, with doctors who run tests but can't determine what is wrong with him. The song also mentions his parents: "Daddy won't discuss me/What a state I must be/Mommy couldn't stand/Having such a wound-up boy".

This could mean that his parents are alive, and have given up hope for his recovery. However, it could also mean he has regressed to his child-state and only imagines that they are around. This seems likely if we take into account the information that we later learn from "Hell Comes Home".

The Last Temptation


Steven appears again as the protagonist in The Last Temptation, Alice Cooper's 1994 album. This time he seems to be free. In the tie-in comic he's depicted as a young boy. This could mean it is a prequel or that Steven is imagining himself in a free world. I do not believe this is a prequel to Nightmare and all the other albums. For a start, it's called The Last Temptation. It could hardly come before Nightmare, in which Steven has succumbed to the temptations of alcohol. Moreover, Steven is shown to have sexual desires for the character Mercy, which means he must be of a mature age in reality.

So in The Last Temptation, Steven goes (in his mind) to the sideshow, where he meets the Showman (depicted as Alice in the comic), who offers him things. The Showman shows him how his life could be boring or miserable, and offers him a way out. In crisis, Steven prays for salvation, and ultimately confronts the Showman and rejects him. The Showman is strongly implied to be the Devil, which is basically confirmed on the next album, Brutal Planet, as the Devil on that album shares his catchphrase, "nothing's free".

The Last Temptation is a morality play, and Steven's rejection of the Devil seems to clear the way for his redemption: "I'm Heaven bound/Go back to where you belong". Thematically, it also represents a rejection of the sideshow, the "Escape" from reality Steven has relied on for so long. By overcoming his demons both literal and figurative, he may now be able to rejoin the world.

Along Came a Spider


The name Steven reoccurred on 2009's Along Came a Spider. This album revolves around a serial killer named Spider who's collecting legs from eight victims to create his own giant spider, like a cross between Dahmer's zombies and The Human Centipede. At the end of the record he reveals to Steven that he's been in this cell for 25 years, so couldn't possibly have committed the recent murders.

From the wording it could be interpreted that Steven shares the cell with him, or that he has some sort of multiple personality disorder, because he uses the word "we". I don't think it's common practice for the criminally insane to bunk up together, but if Steven isn't in the cell with him, why is he there? Well Steven on The Last Temptation and Spider both kind of find Jesus in their respective storylines, so maybe Steven is a priest now and he's visiting Spider in prison. I don't know if that was the idea though. It could not be. Another possibility is that Steven is another personality of Spider.


DaDa theory


Alice Cooper's best album is also one of his less widely known. 1982's DaDa told the story of Sonny, who may also have multiple personalities. Some fans believe that Sonny is also Steven. Potentially, Alice, Steven, Sonny and Spider could all be the same person (of course, they are IRL). I don't believe that Sonny was meant to be Steven, as there are no overt continuity references on DaDa, and Sonny commits suicide at the end of the album. However, Sonny and Steven both seem to share something in common in their backstories: an abusive father.


The Nightmare returns


Steven is mentioned one more time to date in the AC discography: in track "When Hell Comes Home" from Welcome 2 My Nightmare, the 2011 sequel to the original. The song describes a scenario in which a young boy shoots his alcoholic father who has returned home in a menacing rage. This boy appears to be Steven, which, in keeping with our conception of Steven as a grown man in Nightmare 1, makes this a prequel within a sequel, like the Vito scenes in Godfather 2. Killing his abusive father may be the traumatic event that caused Steven to lose his childhood, which he would spend his adult life trying to get back.

As Steven is only mentioned on the one track, it seems likely that the protagonist for the rest of the album is Alice himself, as on Alice Cooper Goes to Hell. Except, as we know, Alice is likely the creation of Steven. The album ends with his surprise death, which would seem to put an end to the character once known as Steven. Except, as we know, Alice Cooper is the grand villain of rock and roll, and like all good villains, he can never truly die.

Do YEW have an autismal theory about a series of albums going back to 1975??? Poast!

Sunday, 22 April 2018

Cherry 2000 to Blade Runner 2049: The Decline of Western Civilisation in Two Robot Waifu Kinos

This smudgy, low-res piece of shit was the only copy of the film I could find, but trust me, it's kino.

As you know, yesterday's scifi is today's reality. Cherry 2000 is a 1980s motion picture starring Melanie Griffith and some guy in a highly 80s neon and synth-obsessed dystopia in which romantic relations between the sexes have deteriorated to the point men are turning to sex robots while """"real"""" women are exacting contracts before sex and dating can commence. It's set in 2017, making this literally the most accurate prediction of the future in any B-movie, ever. Coincidentally or otherwise, 2017 was the year another neon robot waifu kino, Blade Runner 2049, was released. In my ongoing effort to replace academia with shitposting, I offer you a comprehensive breakdown of these eerily similar films and what they say about our IRL dystopia.

Don't you hate it when your wife short-circuits?

So the plot is kicked into motion when our bland everyman hero's robot waifu gives out during foreplay in the suds from an overloaded washing machine. She's the eponymous Cherry 2000, a high-end model powered by the latest technology: a mini-disk. Our protagonist, who I'd swear had a name but whatever, sees his relationship with her as real and meaningful, even though she basically repeats a few phrases monotonously with a smile on her face. Maybe the subtext is that he's as boring as her, so he can't really tell there's anything missing. To be fair though, this relationship appears to be better than the alternative.

What if I told you I was in Apocalypse Now? No really, I was.

Yes, that's Larry "Morpheus" Fishburne (again, eerily presaging his later role by wearing these reflective sunglasses. IRL Matrix confirmed) as a lawyer/pimp/chaperone who arranges dating contracts like in that one Chappelle Show sketch between men and women at a bar. Do you think Hollywood comes up with these ideas because they think the rest of the world are as degenerate as them?

Anyway, Protagonist resolves to get a new body to house his waifu's mini-disk. There's only one problem: the only waifu bodies left in that make and model are in storage in Las Vegas, deep in Zone 7 which has descended into the sort of neo-wild-west setting you'll recognise from 800 Mad Max ripoffs. The major difference is that the villainous gangs that run this wasteland are preppies instead of punks:









The feared warlord Lester (yes).

This idea is funny, and it's just one of a number of imaginative quirks that make Cherry 2000 kino. So to help guide him through this hazardous desert, Protagonist enlists the help of "E" (Melanie Griffith), a manic-pixie-dream-girl-haired qt who I guess is like a Stalker from the movie of the same name, but for preppy post-apocalyptic California instead of Bumfuck USSR. Not, however, before visiting this hotel, where they have a cat in a bottle on the front desk:

Yes.

So E leads Protagonist into the Zone where they're picked up by a large magnet on a crane and shot at with rocket launchers, presumably to avoid damaging the road surface, which makes this a more forward-planning-oriented gang than most.






>tfw no rocket launcher having post-apocalyptic mpdg qt gf

Naturally E and Protagonist Guy fall in love, but a romantic comedy contrivance has them fall out and press on to find the robot body and more hijinks ensue. Eventually they go to Vegas, just like in BR 2049.





Vegas is always a e s t h e t i c after the world ends.

Of course, this is two human beings going in search of one robot, whereas in BR 2049 it's two competing replicants (K and Luv) and a hologram (Joi) going in search of a lone, aging human man in hiding. Quite the demographic reversal in the 32 years between 2017 and 2049.

In both movies the male protagonist has a choice between an artificial relationship with a "real" woman (the prostitute in BR 2049 and the bar thots with the contracts in Cherry 2000) and a relatively real relationship with an artificial woman (Joi/Cherry). Of course in Cherry 2000 he ends up with E, but this only adds another layer of depression to the experience, because E, as a manic pixie dream girl, also represents something that doesn't actually exist. Real-life "random" women with unnatural coloured hair are far closer to the contract thots than to E in the movie.

What do you mean I'm not the girl of your dreams, cis-pig?? This is hash tag why we need SocJus!

What both movies recognise is that a Cherry or Joi is just going to be the go-to choice when the alternative is this Lego-eyebrowed Boris Karloff looking turbothot and others like xir. Cherry 2000 cheats by offering the possibility of a good woman as an alternative, but as Mark Sandman once said, a good woman is hard to find*.

However there is a a teeny tiny whitepill to be found in this morass of depression, in the form of best girl Luv.

<3

For while Joi (Jerk Off Instructions) and E (ecstasy) are both essentially fake stimulants, Luv (love) is real, and love hurts, and the relationship between K and Luv is the realest one even though it is largely antagonistic, because at base she wants Ryan Gosling's BAC (Big Autistic Cock), making her what weebs call "tsundere". Although a replicant, Luv has internal conflict and this makes her more human than the basic bar thots and the mascots such as Joi and E. Luv represents the SYNTHESIS between the loving waifu and real (complex) wahmen. This is what is meant by her catchphrase, "I'm the best one".

Now That's What I Call Kino (Vol. 344)

Despite the crieing of many, this is NOT at all an unattainable standard for wahmen to aspire to. You can even keep your straight bangs.

Do you like how I solved dystopia??? Leave a comment!

*Note that when your entire sex gets BTFO by Morphine you can never recover because Morphine is the best 90s-core band, at least tied with Hum. If anyone still clings to muh feminism in the face of the Morphine argument, they may be dismissed as irreparably basic and broken down for spare parts.

Wednesday, 5 July 2017

Evolution of the OC

Some may remember when I single-handedly saved the world from Moloch with my dank OC. Well, today I stumbled across an evolution of the original:




This is clearly in reference to the fact that professional liars and debate-question-givers CNN just went full Cosa Nostra by threatening to dox some kid for making a gif making fun of them. No, I'm not kidding.

As CNN are worthless and contemptible slime, I consider this a righteous updating of my OC, and thoroughly commend the artist. Boycott CNN!