Movie X Presents: Prom Night 3: The Last Kiss?

Prom Night 3 breaks series tradition by being a real sequel to the previous film! Luckily order was restored with Part 4, which once again had nothing to do with any of the others*. But for a brief, shining moment, this series flirted with continuity, and the result was Prom Night 3: The Last Kiss.

Mere fire cannot defeat Mary Lou's eyebrows.

The movie starts with Mary Lou Maloney, the villain of the previous film, trapped in "Bad Girl Hell", which is sort of a chorus line with dancers chained to the floor. Mary Lou escapes by breaking her shackles with a nail file, an excuse to bring her back so weak it makes Freddy Krueger's resurrection by flaming dog piss in The Dream Master seem well-thought-out. Mary Lou then kills a janitor with a jukebox, before setting her sights on our protagonist, Alex.

In a fit of almost reckless character development, Mary Lou is now looking to settle down, and her schtick evolves into a sort of Overly Attached Girlfriend thing with Alex. She kills everyone who is holding him back, enabling him to get good grades, excel at football, and become popular like never before. All he has to do is bury the bodies she leaves in her 50s-ass wake.

Lucy finds a new way to fuck with Charlie Brown.

While the first two Prom Nights tried to be like proper horror movies (with mixed success), Prom Night 3: The Last Kiss is a comedy from start to finish, like Rock And Roll High School with a body count. This allows Mary Lou, now played by the very charming Courtney Taylor, to cut loose with such hijinks as killing someone with a drill-shaped football (still not as good as the basketball head explosion in Deadly Friend), and impaling a guy's hands with ice cream cones. Even Jason never figured out a way to kill someone with those.

51 flavours...of death!!!

The incidental wackiness just makes this movie so adorable. There are throwaway gags delivered through the school's overhead announcements, quirky minor characters that keep things interesting, and bad acting of the best kind. It's the kind of movie that you know they knew was stupid when they made it, so they just had fun and it kind of wins you over.

Also starring the boom mic.

But by far the movie belongs to Courtney Taylor, whose Mary Lou is the most sadly overlooked of all the horror villains. While Part 2's Lisa Schrage played it straight, Taylor gives the character this kind of peppy, discount Audrey Horne quality that fits perfectly with her 50s retro schtick. I think Mary Lou is overdue a comeback. Do it, Canada.

*Don't watch Prom Night 4: Deliver Us From Evil. Despite having a cool title and the potentially lulzy idea of a priest being the killer, it's just boring bad, not funny bad.

Movie Prom Night Presents: Prom Night II: Hello Mary Lou.

Instead of the sequel to Prom Night its title might presumptively imply, Hello Mary Lou is a terrible, low budget Carrie ripoff starring Michael Ironside of Starship Troopers fame. What it lacks in...everything, it makes up for in batfuck insanity.

In 1957, Mary Lou Maloney is accidentally burned to death when a stink bomb sets her on fire at prom. Flash forward to...the 80s (like I can be bothered to remember the year), and the guy responsible is now the principal, which means the local police force must have attributed Mary Lou's death to spontaneous combustion. Being a cop: like having a job, but without doing any work, ever.

"The potato: nature's perfect vegetable" - this weird fuck.

So now Vicki, a shy girl from a crazy-religious family, is on the shortlist for prom queen, alongside bitchy Kelly. Her mother won't let her buy a new dress because of the Devil, or something, so she goes looking in the school's storage rooms. Here she finds an old trunk that, once opened, releases the vengeful spirit of Mary Lou. Why? What does the trunk have to do with Mary Lou? Did the principal know it would have this effect? If so, why did he leave the trunk at the school, where anyone could open it? If you asked any of these questions, you care way more about this script than the writer.

In the 80s, dressing like a pirate at school was considered normal.

So anyways, Mary Lou proceeds to whack this chick with the huge afro and fashion style I can't even begin to place at any point in history. Why? See above answer. She then possesses Vicki, who shows her transformation by listening to 50s rock and roll music and saying Mary Lou's catchphrase, "see you later, alligator". For reasons unclear to science, her friends take this as evidence of her absolute evil, prompting one of the finest kills in movie history.

First, the possessed Vicki gets into the shower, naked, with her friend Monica. Unlike listening to a 50s song once, this behaviour doesn't seem to ring any alarm bells. Only when Vicki starts kissing her does Monica freak the fuck out and go to hide in a locker. Now your typical slasher would go through each locker individually, in an effort to build suspense. But Mary Lou don't got time for that. Instead, she crushes the lockers in on themselves, pulping Monica*.

The lesson is, always lez out.

Though this is by far the high point of the movie, it's not even nearly the most randomly bizarre. That honour has to go to the creepy-ass rocking horse in Vicki's room. For really no reason at all, its eyes start glowing and it grows a tongue. Which Mary Lou Vicki later starts to play with. Now it's been established that Mary Lou doesn't distinguish her perpetual hard-on between boys and girls alike, but are we to believe she's into horses too?

It's a real nightMARE. 4 srs tho.

Another gem is when the priest delivers this garbled nonsense at a funeral:

"And let the violence of her passing remind us of the dangers of the violence we see so much of everyday, in our streets and on our televisions, and movies."

This is such an inappropriate and inexplicable thing to say to, presumably, someone's surviving loved ones that it makes me kek till I cry. This movie isn't a comedy, but it should be.

There's basically no point watching after the locker death, because the whole third act is just Carrie, but worse. Still, if you're offered the choice of watching this or, say, getting your tongue tasered, it's probably the better option.

*Pulping Monica is my new band name.

Movie Whatever Presents: Prom Nighte§æÕ±*þƒ?ø▓<♥éSÐ

Prom Night is one of the all time classics of the slasher movie genre. It has all the classic elements you need for great success: the title is a day, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Leslie Nielsen is just randomly there.

The thing I like the most about Prom Night is the killer, who wears a ski mask and kills people with a shard of glass, and later an axe. I like him because he's the unluckiest killer ever, taking moar pratfalls than the average Laurel and Hardy. After spending the movie's best action sequence getting his ass kicked by a partially sighted fat guy in a van...

He's also high as fuck.

...The killer then sneaks into the girls' bathroom to off his next victim. To avoid being spotted in the mirror, the killer turns off the lights...and misses, because he can't see what he's doing!

He then forgets his axe and has to come back for it. This really happens.

Then near the end of the picture he decapitates the wrong person and electrocutes himself.

You'd think all this stuff would happen to Jason, since he's the one who kills on Friday the 13th.

Besides the killer's lovable antics, the best reason to watch Prom Night is still the disco score and dance routines, which are HILARIOUS. Like, I mostly laugh at other people getting sick and stuff, but this is SUPER funny.

If you went to a pretend-American Canadian high school in 1980, this was your life.

Despite being way moar funny than scary, Prom Night is worth watching and still has its creepy moments. It's not the kind of movie you admire so much as the kind of movie you would like to kick back and watch sitcoms with. Prom Night is a pretty cool guy.