Blunt Force Troma: Tromeo and Juliet!!!

"Well we found a peanut all right...a peanut of death!"

- Cop

It's Valentine's Day, and how better to celebrate than with the most romantic movie of all time: Tromeo and Juliet? 

The movie opens with the indelible cinematic image of a dead squirrel hanging from a noose, and features the late, great Lemmy from Motörhead as the narrator, so if you're looking for something to get your partner in the mood for love, you know you've come to the right place.

Tromeo and Juliet concerns two families at war with each other, from forth the fatal loins of which the title characters come. They communicate their feud by means of animal carcasses, but soon escalate to dismemberment and death. For example, this guy gets his fingers cut off.

Then he has his head trapped in a car window and driven into a fire hydrant, whereupon he tries to scoop his fallen brains back into his skull.

But that's not even close to the best part. That honour must go to the context-and-fat-free dream sequence in which Juliet's pregnant stomach is unzipped to reveal a mound of popcorn and a couple of rats. Why? I don't know, and nor does anybody else! Just let it happen to you.

We wouldn't want to scar your mind of course. Note that her nightshirt thing randomly disappears and reappears throughout this sequence, even though you couldn't possibly make that mistake. Based Troma, we salute you.

Despite the similar title, this isn't just a straight remake of the 1597 Shakespeare movie. The ending reveals a left-field twist that changes everything, which I'm surprised William Shakespeare didn't think of himself. Needless to say, this is a cinematic landmark everyone should see before they die (or during). Look out for the great Tiffany Shepis in her first role as "Peter" (top pic). If you watch this movie you will have a fine Valentine's Day (guarantee void outside of Tromaville).