How to survive a bear attack

After rewatching the greatest and best documentary ever, Grizzly Man, about a guy who goes to live with bears and gets eaten by a bear, I decided to take matters into my own hands and provide people with the safety advice they need to survive against the pressing threat of bears.

1. Stay in the inner cities. Bears are mostly known to associate in forests and other wilderness. Staying in the centre of a large city will almost guarantee no bears. Also, you will far more likely be murdered by gang violence first, which technically counts as surviving the bears.
2. If you are faced with a bear, remember that they mostly only kill and eat people who annoy them, are tasty, make sudden moves, are identifiable as living creatures, or come into their line of sight or smell. If instead you are a lawn decoration or a boat, you should have no problem.
3. As the character Prometheus in Shakespear's Sister's Hamlet once said, "be wary of a quarrel, but being in't be sure that the opposed may be ware of thee". This applies to bears as much as anything. If you can avoid a bear, do so. Otherwise, escalate hostilities to the point of mutually assured destruction. If your opponent pulls a bear on you, whip out a shark.
4. Committing suicide right now would probably ensure you don't get eaten by a bear, unless you live in an area with high bear rates, in which case it might stumble upon your corpse. Suicide isn't recommended, as some argue it's hazardous to your health. On the contrary, statistical analysis proves that deaths among suicides are no higher than deaths among the general population.
5. Some experts will tell you to play dead. Others will tell you that it makes no difference. Some will say climb a tree. Others will point out that trees never stop bears. Shooting the bear may be effective, but may just make it mad. The effects of vigorously masturbating when the bear sees you have not been adequately studied, so give it a go in the name of science.
6. You could do what Troy Hurtabise did and try to build a body armour suit to protect you against bears. Link related describes how when he got to test it in an enclosed space the bear pissed herself out of fear (or laughter), which, while not the object of the exercise, is good enough.

I just wanted to write about bears.