Wednesday 22 April 2015

Sweet Dreams: 13 Facts About Freddy!!!

Everyone knows Jason, the lovable murderer from the Friday the 13th films. But how well do you know his fellow horror movie icon, Freddy Krueger? Freddy has been around since 1984's classic A Nightmare on Elm Street, and has amassed an enviable amount of trivia to his own name. Here is some of it:

  1. Freddy was a child murderer who was burned alive after being freed on a technicality. So little of a fuck did Freddy give that he turned up to his own trial in a Christmas sweater.
  2. The number of Freddy's child murder victims is unknown. Nancy's mom and Lisa from Part 2 both said it was around 20, while Alice in Part 5 said "20 or 30", and Freddy himself in Freddy Vs Jason claimed it was "dozens". Freddy loves killing children so much he invented a working glove of knives just to kill children with.
  3. Freddy had an ice cream float he presumably used to get close to his victims, as seen in the pilot of Freddy's Nightmares. Apparently no one else at the factory where he worked thought this was strange.
  4. Freddy can kill you in your dreams. To give the series some variety, this was extended to include things like daydreams and the dreams of your unborn child (Parts 4 and 5, respectively). He can also possess people (Part 2, Freddy Vs Jason), and reanimate his bones in the real world to fight you like the skeletons in Jason and the Argonauts. HE CAN ALSO MAKE YOUR PARAKEET EXPLODE.
  5. Freddy, like Jason, can only be killed by whatever arbitrary plot bullshit is required to end the movie. However, unlike Jason, he is not brought back by electricity, but by flaming dog piss.
  6. Freddy once appeared on the Dick Cavett show and killed Zsa Zsa Gabor (Part 3).
  7. Freddy, like the Joker, likes to dress up as a nurse just to fuck with people.
  8. As the series degenerated into self-parody, Freddy started breaking the fourth wall and addressing the audience directly, indicating that he knows he's in a movie. This explains how he was able to come out of the movies and attack the cast and crew in the real world in Wes Craven's New Nightmare.
  9. Parts 1, 3 and 7 are actually good movies.
  10. The souls of Freddy's victims become trapped inside his body. Part 4 revealed these souls to include Linnea Quigley, of Return of the Living Dead, Graduation Day, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, Night of the Demons, Scream Queen Hot Tub Party, Silent Night Deadly Night, and Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-o-rama.
  11. Freddy Krueger is the only person who can still pull off wearing a fedora without looking like a douche.
  12. Pulling Freddy out of your dream will depower him and make him killable, except for all the times when it just doesn't, which is always. This is possibly because the whole series is one big dream, and Freddy is just trolling everybody the entire time.
  13. This blackboard from Freddy's Dead appears to confirm that Freddy did the Third Reich, discovered America, fought in the War of 1812, killed Elvis, and prevented the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, confirming him for time travel as well as everything above. This makes about as much sense as anything else in Freddy's Dead.

Did you enjoy learning all about this important historical figure??? Do u crie every time??? Let me know in the comments (don't).

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