Hello everyone. My name is Patrick H. Bastard. This is my blog. I wrote it because I want to be famous. I would like to be the #1 blog on all the internets. My hobbies include knocking the ice cream out of children's cones, telling people their parents died, and playing with my toy soldiers.
Politically, I think the voting age should be lowered to 8 so I can vote, and we should be allowed to wee wee in public. I think the Prime Minister should be replaced by a balloon animal artist, and the House of Commons should be used for hoboes and vagrants when Parliament is not in session. Zoos would also be expanded to include major metropolitan areas so the animals would have more space.
I like animals and I like lots of nice things. One day I will have a great big room to play Lego in (not Legoes; that's wrong). I like juice. One day I will own my own fridge, and only put nice foods in it. Nobody who likes legumes will be allowed.
People say I'm no good, but they don't know me. If you know me you'll find I'm a sweet and gentle flower, and I'm only different, not bad.
I hate you.
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