No one walks right anymore. Did anybody ever? I don't know. When I go out in town everyone veers about like assholes. If they drove the way they walk, everyone would be dead.
I believe in mandatory walking lessons. If you don't have a walking license, you shouldn't be allowed on the streets. Walkers, like drivers, should learn when they can merge into a stream of foot-traffic, instead of charging right across it like a herd of cows. The penalty for walking without a license would be the classic Medieval correctional device they used in my old nursery: the stocks.
I'm amazed people are so bad at something they've all been doing since like two. Most walkers don't even check to the side before they change direction, making them even less coordinated than the average herd. Then there are the ones who stop dead in their tracks while they're in front of you, causing you to swerve wildly into another group of dead-eyed chumps.
Did I mention old people, who move slower than a snail in special ed? OK, they're old, their legs don't work so well anymore...so why do they have to advance in fucking echelon, like a phalanx in the army of slowing everybody down? Even worse are kids, and then for fun there's the occasional cyclist who took a wrong turn and is somehow powering through the early afternoon shopping crowds like the Angel of Death.
The only problem with having walking licenses is that you'd need more cops to enforce them, which means more jackasses in uniform harassing people in the streets. Instead of cops we could have gibbons. Gibbons would be fair and impartial. They always are to me.
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