A Bastardly Guide to How to Draw Good!

Theme: Art Decade - David Bowie

As the debut of Thinking Barbarian followup series Last of the Amazons draws nigh, I figured I might share my TOP TIPS for How to Draw Good when, like your humble blogìste, you don't actually have any talent, but still want to draw cool things like mastodon riders fighting Aztec cavemen, Voodoo bike gangs with tommy guns chasing our heroes through neon-lit streets, and goth girls fighting Baywatch babes in gladiatorial combat, because you're an arrested 12-y/o.

1. Get Some Perspective!

You're supposed to do this every time you draw a simple building.

Perspective is HARD and BORING. Swerve it by setting most of your action in forests and caves, so you can draw irregular shapes instead of buildings. Drawing trees and shit is EASY, but is also BORING, so you can cheat by using photographs for your backgrounds. This leads us nicely to...

2. My Sketchy Background!

If your background is too detailed, noone knows where the fuck to look! Blurring your backgrounds helps direct the reader's eye toward the main event occurring in the foreground, which is where you put your characters.

Then again, like me, you might prefer to use distraction to conceal your comical ineptitude at anatomy.

3. Go Figure!

Most of what you will draw will be the human figure. Like perspective, anatomy is HARD, but unlike perspective, it's also NOT BORING, so I suggest you study anatomy. One way to do this is by dissecting cadavers; these can be found at your local morgue or cemetery. Should this prove too difficult, copy your poses from better artists, which should at least get you in the ballpark, and when hall monitors CATCH you in the ACT, don a beret and call it an "homage". On the other hand:

4. Colour Me Shocked!

Learning basic colour theory takes five seconds: red goes with green, blue goes with orange, purple goes with yellow (but this last one is used pretty seldom). This is because these are opposites on the colour wheel.

In "The Fell Civil War" I had the red and green wizards fight each other and the orange and blue ones fight each other for this very reason. IDK who invented the colour wheel OK but it just works, just trust me on this.

ALSO: don't give one character too much colours; give them two main ones and a third one that's more of a highlight on details of their costume such as belts and straps. Let me expostulate...

5. My Dark Designs!

Besides incorporating colour theory, another rule of thumb I learned for character designs is that you take some visual motif and repeat it in a bunch of places on the character. One character can have two or three of these motifs but they have to be spaced out somewhat intelligently.

Helga has a black widow hourglass motif on her lips and kneepads, sometimes over her eyes, and a square "face" motif on her shoulderpad and shield. She also has the same type of feathers on her shoulderpad and trident. This simple approach creates unity and balance in the character design. Later I switched that random semicircle on her belt for another square face, which works better.

Now you've mastered character design, make like an embalmer and start...

6. Managing de composition!

Advanced composition is HARD, but simple composition that works is as EASY as the rule of thirds and shapes. Place a strong line on each third. You can just do this with the vertical or horizontal thirds or you can do it with both. Having characters with spears, or interiors with pillars, gives you easy things to use for these strong lines. The rule of thirds is such an easy hack for composition that it should be BANNED in competitive drawfaggotry, but is INVALUABLE for bastards like you and me!

Yeah, I eyeballed all my thirds, but it's an art, not a science. The thirds police aren't going to come knocking at your door.

Shapes are another good simple way to do composition good: arrange the components of your mise-en-scène into a triangle, a square or a circle. When you GIT GUD at art, you can combine several shapes more smartly, or so I am told.

Circle.

Square.

Triangle AND circle. Illuminati confirmed!!!

7. Most importantly, have fun!

Because one day you'll die and be forgotten.

8. Outsource to AI!

If you get stuck, remember that learning to draw is a complete waste of time and I only do it because it brings me joy, and if you just want to skip straight to the end point, you can just ask one of many AI programmes to create your picture for you. The Art Community might throw a bitchfit, but who cares what insane people think? For myself, I'm content to draw the old-fashioned way, but more out of quaint Amishness than any pretense toward punkish Luddism. If you want to cheat on your homework by having the smart kid do it for you, knock yourself out. For my full thoughts on the implications of AI technology for mankind, see: it's way too early to tell.

Now you know everything I do and more! Tune in next week for IDK, you decide.