Greatest Movie of All Time of the Week: Demolition Man!

The lunch lady at St Pat's Primary School (1995, colourised).

Everyone loves Demolition Man, the greatest Stallonekino and one of the more entertaining movies of the 90s, or, indeed, ever. John Spartan (Stallone) is cryogenically frozen after a run-in with arch-criminal Simon Phoenix (Wesley Snipes). Flash forward to the far future of 2032 (we've still got time!) and Los Angeles is now transformed into the peaceful utopia of San Angeles. But is all as it seems? No!!!

"Somehow...Phoenix returned" - not actual dialogue.

For some mysterious reason Phoenix is sprung from Ice Block C and proceeds to wreak havoc on a world that has evolved beyond violence, and thus has no idea how to handle it. Snipes, utterly wasted in lame hero roles in other flicks, is gr8 fun as the homicidal psychopath finding to his bemusement and subsequent glee that this brave new world is his brave new oyster.

Basedly, the Hall of Violence has the same font as the menus in Diablo II.

Just watching Phoenix go around bullying the bewildered quokka-folk of San Angeles would be entertainment enough, but beaming uniformed waifu Lt. Huxley (lol) (Sandra Bullock, a revelation before everyone got tired of her bullshit five minutes later) has the bright idea to revive Stallone and sic him on the risen Phoenix.

Cute!

But also...

Hilarity ensues as Spartan must learn to navigate a world of feeble law enforcement, strange technologies and social taboos like an autist in the real world. The fish-out-of-water is a time-worn formula for entertainment and the pairing of Stallone's jaded old-school action hero and Bullock's wide-eyed retro-junkie also makes this technically a buddy-cop flick, meaning it relies as much on their chemistry as the gimmick.

Judging by this look and the snail trail she leaves behind her, we're in safe hands.

Much has been made of the social satire element, but, like most satires, it's as much a time-capsule today as Stallone's character is in the 2032 of the film's setting. Sure, the notion of an overly-polite high-trust society being immunocompromised against exploitation by violent criminal scumbags is as relevant now as it ever was, but the gentle lampooning of late-80s/early-90s political correctness culture makes the classic blunder of assuming good faith from its proponents. Flash forward to now and it's abundantly apparent that those who promulgate politically correct standards and shibboleths are as much cluster-B manipulators and psychopaths as Phoenix, and their risible goofiness is little more than a veneer for squalid self-advancement on the heads of those less slick of tongue and short of integrity. Though there are hints...

This dude dressed like if a Japanese chick became Pope might be significantly cast: he played the smooth-talking bureaucrat in Yookay TV's Yes, Minister.

Is the V-shaped SAPD badge design a subtle nod to INGSOC's curiously hash tag inclusive logo? You decide!

But whether you read surface-level whimsicality or deeper, darker subtext into it, this kino crushes as pure entertainment. WILL Spartan curtail Phoenix's rise? CAN he solve the three seashells? WAS Sandra Bullock really likable? Find out!!! Watch Demolition Man today!

"Imma Chargin My Laser!" - actual dialogue.