Trolling at the Movies: Pumpkin!!!

Hello friends! You may not have heard of Pumpkin, because no one has. I've never met someone who's seen Pumpkin, and I think it's because everyone tried to bury it. The writer and director team have no more credits after it on IMDb, as if everyone in the industry made sure they never worked again. They tried to forget the movie ever happened, because it trolled them so hard.

The expression of a star beginning to doubt the movie is exactly what it seems.

Pumpkin stars Christina Ricci (Buffalo 66) as a popular blonde sorority sister who, in a twist of fate that would make Shakespeare hang up his tights, falls madly in love with a special kid. The movie asks, Rachel Dolezal-style, a question so absurd as to be unanswerable: can retards love?

Trick question: everyone loves Christina Ricci.

Make no mistake: there is no expectation of an answer behind this. Rather, it is a work of trolling that obliterates the line between the ridiculous and the sublime. If you can get behind a normal person having a relationship with a differently clever person, you're OK with exploitation of the oblivious, but if you can't, you're saying people of slowness don't deserve to find love with hot sorority girls. I'm sorry, that wasn't very PC; "systers of elevated temperature". For people who care deeply about how compassionate and socially aware they look, this is a tortuous dilemma.

Pumpkin is a sensitive young man.

So Christina Ricci has a lark playing the opposite of her character from the Addams Family movies. But her world is turned urpside durn when she's assigned a neuro-atypical citizen to tutor! What ever could ensue????????

Oh.

On finding that she only has eyes for Pumpkin, her erstwhile boyfriend has a tearful breakdown in his car, resulting in the greatest crash ever on film, in which his car bursts into a huge, comet-like tail of fire as soon as it falls off the edge of the cliff, and burns all the way down. It's like a cross between an episode of Invitation to Love and a Jim Steinman song.

As you can see, Pumpkin is great. But I don't think you can appreciate how great it is unless you watch it. I can't even tell if Christina Ricci is complicit in the trolling, or is being trolled, so finely balanced is her performance.

I think she gets it, but won't let on.

It's a shame this movie didn't become more well known, because I would have loved to see people debate these stupid issues like they were real issues, the way people do today. Pumpkin was so ahead of its time it's unreal. Like Rachel Dolezal over a decade later, it revealed that, far from the developmentally disabled, it's the self-important and self-serious that are the true retards.