The Best of Pat Bastard and the Spurious 5!!1

Because my bl☺g is now over a decade old and I forgot about the anniversary like a husband in a sitcom (but more importantly because I'm lazy), here's a trip down memory lane in lieu of anything new:

How Do I Get a Restraining Order?

Vic and Eddy

Everyone Loves Ants Too Much

Travel Broadens the Mind (Warrington Kills It)

Where's Wallie in the Garden of Earthly Delights

Academia is Carving Out New Frontiers in Flimflam and Chicanery

This is What Disney Princesses Would Look Like as a Horse

Neon Maniacs!

Sweet Dreams: A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge!!!

Thank God It's Friday the 13th: Friday the 13th Part 8: Jason Takes Manhattan!!?

The Real Slim Stayvun

The Stayvun, by Edgar Allen Poe

Jimbo: The Thinking Barbarian - 12. The Caves of Chicomoztoc!

Greatest Movie of All Time of the Week: Screaming Mimi!

Greatest Movie of All Time of the Week: The Miraculous Virgin!

Greatest Movie of All Time of the Week: The Hot Spot!

RANKED: The Greatest Sideshow Stars of All Time!!!

RANKED: The Top 10 Animals!!!

Pulping in the 90s: The Shadow and The Phantom!

"But Pat, isn't this basically your entire blôgg?" Yes, gentle reader, but I cannot tell a lie.

Greatest Movie of All Time of the Week: Excalibur!

Article theme: Excalibur - Headstone

Real Männerbund hours are now in effect.

Undoubtedly the greatest cinematic treatment of the Arthuriad, John Boorman's Excalibur eschews any modish notion of realism (read: everything looking grey and brown) for downright psychedelic aesthetic excess. Smoke, fog, flames, lightning, weird green glows emanating from the titular sword (or nowhere in particular) combine in a deliriously heightened fever dream. Performances are almost childlike in their raw emotion. Dialogue has a way of being pertinent to everything while specific to nothing, as in a dream you sense is laden with meaning you can't articulate; as when you briefly glimpse the worlds beyond the veil.

It's my position that Arthur was a real historical figure *and* his Britain had this stylised aesthetic, and I'm sticking to it.

Arthur (Nigel Terry) himself is decentred, appearing late in the game, a symbolic figurehead whose rise is engineered by scene-stealing upstart protagonist Merlin (Nicol Williamson) after the disappointment of his efforts to steer Uther (Gabriel Byrne) toward the same role. Merlin, against his reservations, helps Uther bang Lady Igraine (Katrine Boorman) on the condition that their child will be his - for this Merlin is all but stated to be a faery in the classic, pre-Disney sense of the word: an enigmatic woodland spirit who steals away human children for mysterious ends. He can see somewhat of the future, perhaps influence it in some ways, but for all his wisdom and insight cannot altogether change the course of fate.

Damn, Merlin, I'm on thin ice with the ADL as it is.

Under his guidance, Arthur sees off Saxon raiders and presides over a fleeting golden age (golden while?) which is doomed to end in dissolution and darkness. The essence of Arthur's arc is apprehending the true nature of his role, not as a man but as a beacon by which future generations, lost in the abyssal ocean of horror, might find their way.

It's never over.